we see in narcissistic abuse again it’s my hope to open your eyes to what these patterns are you’re going to start see they are patterns bet for a lot of you about half of these things apply if not more and then pay attention because the facts you’re not the only one going through this and sometimes knowing this and in each video i give tips on how to cope with this I’m hoping that this series becomes useful tool to help you soldier through this so today.
Why you never feel safe in a narcissistic relationship
I’m going to talk about a very common pattern we see in people who’ve experienced narcissistic abuse which is a feeling of a sort of lack of safety in the world before we get to that as always i invite you please consider subscribing to this channel hit that subscribe button hit that ball to get the notifications every time we put out content so let’s take this on through what do i mean by lack of safety listen after you have been through narcissistic abuse you no longer you no longer feel safe it’s a very classical part of the profile of narcissistic abuse now i by lack of safety i don’t mean that you think that someone is standing behind you with a weapon though you may feel that metaphorically but just general lacking lack of sense of psychological safety with other people some of this relates to the difficulties with trust which is also a part of narcissistic abuse ]but it goes beyond that lack of safety is a discomfort like.
what is a narcissist
i said it extends beyond it goes beyond just not being able to trust people it’s a mishmash of stuff cynicism a fear of speaking your mind reticence or a sort of holding backbeat a lack of trust a feeling like you can’t completely exhale a fear of being gas lighted again you simply fear you simply feel as though you can’t let your guard down remember when you entered any narcissistic relationships volunteer voluntarily typically you entered these as an adult and as a result it’s easy to feel like you were played that you were tricked or that you’re even foolish.
which you’r enot and that can leave you feeling unsafe although you can’t trust your own instincts after making that big mistake after being gas lighted not just by your partner but by other people around you the narcissist enablers people around you who just don’t get tithe almighty gas lighting by tribe that I’ve talked about you may just not know who to believe any more it messes with your head and makes it so that you are always looking with a bit of suspiciousness around you it’s like one of those crime movies where nobody quite trusts anybody and everyone’s kind of on edge it’s a very exhausting way to live especially.
since you’re not trying to live like you’re in a crime movie if you grew up in a narcissistic family system lack of safety is pretty much sort of baked into you because your development was characterized by confusion conditional regard Val invalidation you didn’t know you never knew what was going to set off the rage in one or both of your parents as a result you never really felt safe you may have been attempting to be peacemakers things wouldn’t escalate when you were a kid or you felt like you had to hide yourself.
definition of a narcissist
because you were the scapegoat either way nobody feels safe in these family systems and when you grow up feeling unsafe that trails you into adulthood in a million subtle ways safety is the second level of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs remember like food and food on the bottom and then on and on and onion fact the only fundamental level that’s deeper than safety is food and water to be safe is an essential human need and we devote a lot of psychological resources to it if it isn’t coming easily so feeling unsafe is really awful for human being and that sadly is one of the long-term legacies of narcissistic abuse symptoms and patterns such as hyper vigilance that kind of onedgenesswhich we do observe in people experiencing narcissistic abuse and that pattern also gets at that one dgesort of lack of safety feeling.
the lack of safety means that people don’t quite feel in their skin and also means that it can be quite difficult to establish new relationships especially after a narcissistically abusive one ends or if you still have narcissistically abusive relationships in your lives people who have experienced narcissistic abuse may initially only stick to the tried and true people in their life they may regard new people with suspicion in fact many people who have been through narcissistic abuse will say that they fear that they willneverfully feel at ease or fully feel safe with new people.
it’s not surprising after being through narcissistic abuse in some way sadly you not only stop trusting yourself you also stop trusting other people and you never quite feel safe the challenging part of narcissistic abuse is that although it happens to so many people so many more people just don’t get its you will often get pushback from people who say uh narcissistic abuse that’s not even a thing or get over it you’re out of the relationship now what are you still talking about this for room really well they never hit you so what are you so anxious about what are you talking about this lack of safety sometimes things just don’t work outfit’s the daily gas lighting and confusion and invalidation and the narcissist’s unwillingness to take responsibility or ownership for their behavior.
that turns the whole thing upside down and makes it unlike any other kind of psychological pain you could experience in a relationship the lack of safety the sense of a lack of safety results in a sort of what we’d call tentativeness it’s almost like a person who was very carefully putting their foot into a swimming pool or another body of water is it cold is it safe it’s a sort of carefulness a slowness and that’s okay so what do you do if you are experiencing this sense of a lack of safety-first of all please be patient with yourself must say for many people who have been through narcissistic abuse there is sadly often a bit of lifelong legacy of never quite ever feeling completely safe it it’ll maybe always take you just little bit longer.
to warm unto feel okay with other people to trust them to let your guard down and that’s okay don’t put yourself on other people’s schedule and other people’s sort of agenda safety that sense of safety may happen with time but perhaps by being a little bit more on guard at the beginning you may also protect yourself and keep the gates closed on another narcissist or toxic person getting too close to you secondly start small after narcissistic relationship or even while you are still in one and enduring narcissistic abuse start making you know start making inroads again with your own friend group it’s easy to get isolated.
how to deal with a narcissist
when you are in a narcissistic relationships at a minimum at least reflection how safe you feel with people you have known for a while third want you to consider doing my practicing mindfulness and meditation these are wonderful daily practices and sometimes just staying in the present moment and just reacting to the things that are in front of you and working on your breathing in that moment can give you a sense of your own inner world and self-possession and can build your sense of safety from the inside out fourth consider exercise somehow getting stronger can build sense of safety from the outside in lift build muscle.
also consider things like walking fill your heartbeat if you can create strength from the outside in and from the inside out you might start feeling in better ownership and also better ownership of your safety and even though you may still feel that sort of lingering sense of a lack of safety from narcissistic abuse doing these kinds of things can help you create a little bit more of a defense against this and maybe feel little bit safer at least with yourself and then slowly hopefully with the world i hope this helps and makes sense as always thank you fortuning